Hes Gonna Kick Me Again Isnt He
Young Gru: Mom, someday, I'm going to go to the moon.
Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you lot're too late, son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.
Agnes: Oh, my gosh look at that fluffy unicorn!
[Agnes looks at the unicorn with awe]
Agnes: He'southward and then fluffy, I'm gonna die!
Gru: Hi, Fred. FYI. Your dog has been leaving little bombs in my grand, and I practise not capeesh it.
Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they get where they want to get.
Gru: Unless they're dead.
[laughs]
Gru: I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyhow, accept a good one.
Agnes: Why are y'all wearing your pajamas?
Vector: [sputters] These aren't pajamas! Information technology's a warm-up adjust.
Edith: What are yous warming up for?
Vector: Stuff.
Margo: What sort of stuff?
Vector: Super-cool stuff yous wouldn't empathise.
Agnes: Similar sleeping?
Vector: THEY ARE NOT PAJAMAS!
Agnes: Will y'all read united states a bedtime story?
Gru: No.
Agnes: Pretty delight?
Gru: The physical advent of the please makes no divergence. It is still no, and then go to sleep.
Edith: Hey, that one looks similar me.
Gru: What are y'all talking almost? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely casual.
Vector: I'thou applying for a villain loan. I go by the name of Vector. Information technology's a mathematical term, represented by an arrow with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That'south me, considering I commit crimes with both management and magnitude. Oh yeah!
Gru: We stole the Statue of Freedom...!
[the minions cheer]
Gru: ...the minor one, from Las Vegas!
[the cheers stop]
Gru: I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower... also Vegas.
Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my ain eyes.
Carnival Barker: Well, you meet that little spaceship in that location? Y'all run into how it's not knocked over? Practice you know what that means, Professor? Information technology means you lot don't get the unicorn! Aw. Uh-oh! Somebody'south got a frowny face! Ooh. Improve luck next time.
[Agnes'due south eyes well up with tears and she looks at Gru]
Gru: Okay... my turn.
[Gru takes out a plasma gun and fires it, destroying the stand and disintegrating the spaceship]
Gru: Knocked over!
Dr. Nefario: And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.
[shoots a minion with the fart gun, making him pass out]
Gru: No, no, no. I said *dart* gun, not...
[grossed out]
Gru: Okay.
Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Crusade I was wondering... under what circumstances would we use this?
Gru: [Explaining why the girls can't observe their book "Iii Little Kittens"] That volume was accidentally destroyed maliciously...
Gru: Kyle. These are not treats. These are guests!
[to the girls]
Gru: Girls, this is Kyle, my... canis familiaris.
[Kyle growls]
Agnes: Ooh, fluffy doggie!
[She runs toward Kyle, who whines and runs away; she groans in disappointment]
Margo: What kind of canis familiaris is that?
Gru: He's a... I don't know.
Margo: Hello? Cookies for auction!
Gru: Become away, I'm not home!
Margo: Uh, aye, y'all are. I heard you.
Gru: No, you didn't. This... is a recording.
Margo: [scoffs] No, information technology isn't.
Gru: Yes, it is. Watch this. Leave a message. Beep!
[Edith kicks the door, causing Gru to scream in hurting]
Agnes: Adieu, recorded message.
Margo: [off-screen] Agnes, come on!
Agnes: Aw. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly.
Edith: That's a Cheeto.
Agnes: Oh.
[eats it]
Gru: Uh, question. What are these?
Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots. Boogie! Wait at this! Picket me.
Gru: Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so... old?
Edith: Are these beds fabricated out of bombs?
Gru: Aye, just they are very erstwhile and highly unlikely to accident upwards. But try non to toss and turn.
Edith: Cool!
Gru: [reading book] "Three lilliputian kittens love to play. They had fun in the dominicus all solar day. And so their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed'."
[looks up]
Gru: Wow, this is garbage. You really like this?
Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a pic of me landing on the moon.
Gru'south Mom: Eh.
Immature Gru: Await, Mom, I made a prototype of a rocket out of macaroni.
Gru's Mom: Eh.
Immature Gru: Look, Mom, I built a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype.
[Fires rocket]
Gru'southward Mom: [holds her jiff in amazement for a moment] ... Eh.
Agnes: [singing] Unicorns, I love them. Unicorns, I love them. Uni uni unicorns, I love them. Uni unicorns, I could pet one if they were really real. And they are! So I bought one so I could pet it. Now it loves me, at present I love it. La lala la la...
Gru: [reading the book he wrote] Ane big unicorn, potent and free, thought he was happy as he could be. And then three fiddling kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down. They made him laugh, they made him weep. He never should have said goodbye. And now he knows he can never role from those three piffling kittens that inverse his heart.
Agnes: Pinkie hope?
Gru: Oh yeah, my little finger promises.
Edith: When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this would exist more than like Annie.
Dr. Nefario: We have to warn him, and FAST!
[starts driving on his moped very slowly]
Gru: I went to kindergarten, I know how the alphabet works.
Gru: Okay, bedtime.
[the girls groan in disappointment, followed by the minions]
Gru: [points to Stuart and Jerry, the minions] Not y'all two.
[Jerry and Stuart cheer]
Gru: Get together the minions!
Gru: Clearly we need to prepare some rules. Rule number one: You will not touch *anything*.
Margo: Aha. What most the floor?
Gru: Yep, you may bear on the floor.
Margo: What about the air?
Gru: Yes, y'all may touch the air.
Edith: What virtually this?
[holds a ray gun in her hands, the laser sight aimed correct at Gru]
Gru: [screams, belongings a frying pan for protection] Where did you lot get that?
Edith: [shrugs] Found it.
[Gru takes it away from her]
Gru: Okay, dominion number 2: Y'all will not carp me while I'm working. Rule number three: You lot will not cry, or whine, or express joy, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?
Agnes: Does this count as annoying?
[lets go of Margo'south hand and puckers her cheeks]
Gru: [stops Agnes] Very!
[sighs, irritated]
Gru: I'll see you in 6 hours.
[leaves the kitchen]
Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. We're gonna be actually happy here. Right...? Agnes?
[She and Edith plow and see Agnes scarfing from the bowl on the floor marked "food."]
Agnes: [rima oris full] Mmm?
Vector: [afterwards shrinking toilet] Look at y'all, a little tiny toilet, for little tiny people to...
[toilet breaks, spraying h2o on Vector]
Vector: Ah! Expletive yous, tiny toilet!
Gru: We have located a shrink ray in a hugger-mugger lab. And in one case we accept this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the TRUE offense of the century!
[in a sinister tone]
Gru: We... are going to steal...
[the minions pull out their weapons]
Gru: Expect, look! I oasis't told yous what it is yet.
[a rocket launcher is fired and hits one of the minions]
Gru: Hey. Dave, heed upwards, delight!
[the hit minion walks over to Dave and punches him]
Gru: [gets on the platform every bit it rises up to the roof] Next, we are going to steal... pause for effect...
[the platform stops so that Gru is silhouetted against the moon]
Gru: ...THE MOON!
[Minions cheer]
Gru: And once the moon is mine, the earth volition give me whatever I desire to become it dorsum, and I volition exist the greatest villain of all time! That'southward what I'M talking 'bout!
Gru: [to Miss Hattie] You are a beautiful woman. Practice you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look similar I speak Castilian?
Gru: You have a confront... Como un burro.
Miss Hattie: Oh! Well, thank you!
Gru: [Sees Edith well-nigh his fe maiden] No, no! Stay away from there! It's fragile!
[the iron maiden closes with Edith inside; a red liquid leaks from underneath; Margo and Agnes gasp]
Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two.
Edith: [Inside the fe maiden] Hey! It's dark in here!
[Gru opens iron maiden; Edith is unharmed, simply her juice box is punctured]
Edith: [Spits out a straw] It poked a hole in my juice box.
Miss Hattie: I'thou here for the girls. I recieved a telephone call that y'all wanted to return them. And too, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary.
[Hits Gru with lexicon]
Miss Hattie: I didn't like what you lot said.
Gru: You lot got to be pulling on my leg!
Mr. Perkins: Do you know where the shrink ray is?
Vector: Duh? Back at my place.
Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? Oh, that'south absurd. I guess Gru must just have 1 that LOOKS EXACTLY Like Information technology!
[shows vector the computer shot of Gru with the shrink ray and the girls]
Vector: Oh. What? Th-those girls sold me cookies.
[Gru is showing Mr. Perkins his plans, using pictures on an easel]
Gru: I wing to the moon, I compress the moon, I take hold of the moon, I sit on the toi-let what?
[sees a child'due south cartoon in his plans, of himself sitting on a toilet, signed by Edith, the girls laugh off-screen]
Gru: Sorry. Sad! Could y'all, uh, excuse me for only one second?
Gru: [to Agnes] Did you castor your teeth? Permit me olfactory property. Let me smell.
[Takes a whiff]
Gru: You did *not*!
Gru: This is literature? A two yr old could have written this!
Edith: Yeah! Mine's shaped like a dead guy!
Agnes: Cool, lets go destroy some other games!
Gru: [Answers jail cell phone] Hi, Mom. Sorry, I meant to telephone call, but...
Gru'due south Mom: I merely wanted to congratulate y'all on stealing the pyramid.
[Gru sighs]
Gru's Mom: That was you, wasn't information technology? Or was it a villain who'southward actually successful?
[laughs]
Gru: Just and so know, Mom. I'm about to do something. Information technology's very very big. Very important, when you hear about it, you're going to be very proud.
Gru's Mom: [Sarcastically laughs] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here!
Dr. Nefario: [a minion drinks from a bottle, starts floating] We've been working on this for a while at present. It's an Anti-gravity serum.
[the minion floats out an open skylight]
Dr. Nefario: I meant to shut that. He'll be alright, I'one thousand sure.
Gru: Do the furnishings wear off?
Dr. Nefario: [looking upward at some minions floating on the roof] Uh... so far, no. No, they don't.
Gru: It's like my heart is a molar, and it'southward got a crenel that can only exist filled with children.
[repeated line]
Gru: Calorie-free bulb!
Gru: [after giving Vector the moon] Now the girls.
Vector: Actually, I'm holding on to them a little longer.
Gru: No!
Vector: Oh yeah! Unpredictable!
Gru: In terms of money, nosotros have no money.
Agnes: Just one more than! I accidentally closed my eyes.
Mr. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you lot have the audacity to inquire the bank for money?
Gru: Apparently.
Margo: Y'all gave us back.
Gru: I know, I know, and it is the worst mistake I ever made.
[after Vector refuses to hand over the girls]
Gru: Listen close, you little punk! When I arrive there, yous are in for a world of pain!
Vector: [laughing sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!
[Gru punches the video camera, making Vector jump and fumble to concur on to the shrunken moon]
Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kicking your barrel.
[Vector is playing with the shrink ray in his bath]
Vector: Boo-ya!
[fires the ray]
Vector: Y'all got shrunk, tiny mouthwash!
[shrinks the sink]
Vector: Yep! You lot washed been shrunk!
[cell phone rings, he answers]
Vector: Y'ello? Oh yeah, I got the shrink ray...! What? No, I'm not... playing with information technology.
Edith: Somebody bankrupt that.
Vector: [stranded on the moon] Oh, poop!
Tourist Mom: [pulls on the male child's leash] Justin!
Tourist Dad: Look honey, take my motion-picture show, I take a pyramid in my hands.
Vector: [on the phone] Gru?
[laughs]
Vector: Don't make me laugh! And P.S., he is not getting the moon! And P.P.S., when I'grand done with Gru, he'southward gonna exist begging for mercy!
[repeated line]
Vector: Oh yeaaaaahhh!
Gru: So, proficient night, slumber tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them.
[whispering menacingly]
Gru: Oh, and there's probably something in your closet.
[He chuckles evilly and closes the door]
Margo: He'southward just kidding, Agnes.
[after Vector refuses to release the girls]
Gru: [leans into the camera] Listen close, you little punk. When I make it at that place, you lot are in for a world of pain!
Vector: [laughs sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!
[Gru punches the camera lens, making Vector jump and fumble not to drop the moon]
Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna boot your butt.
Gru: [defeated by Vector] Oh, come on!
[on being told they are being adopted]
Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful!
Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle!
Agnes: I bet their business firm is made of gummy bears!
[off their looks]
Agnes: I'k only saying information technology'd exist overnice.
[saying their prayers before bed]
Margo: And please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night'southward sleep.
Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains!
Agnes: Ugh!
Margo: Great. Cheers for that epitome, Edith.
Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt united states of america presently, and that the mommy and daddy will be squeamish... and have a pet unicorn.
[Margo and Edith coil their eyes]
Agnes: Amen.
Margo,Edith: Amen.
Mr. Perkins: Practise y'all have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I requite you the opportunity of a lifetime and you lot just blow it!
Vector: No... I didn't.
Mr. Perkins: Oh, actually?
Vector: [opens his example] Yes, only wait until Gru sees my latest weapon! Squid launcher! Oh, aye!
[He launches a squid over the balcony]
Man: Ah! At that place'southward a squid on my face!
Vector: [chuckles and reloads] Don't worry. The moon is every bit proficient as ours.
[Inside the launcher, the second squid rolls its eyes]
Gru: Mom? What are you doing here?
Gru'southward Mom: [flipping through Gru'due south baby book with the girls] And here he is in the bathtub. Ah, wait at his trivial buns!
Gru: [chagrinned] Mom... not cool.
Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed upwardly in his Sunday best.
Margo: He looks like a girl.
Gru'southward Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly daughter.
[get-go lines]
Tourist: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?
[terminal lines]
Gru: [being led to the stage by Margo] No, no, no, no!
[last lines; as the girls reprise their ballet recital]
Gru: They're very good.
Gru'southward Mom: [elbows him] Ah, I'thou so proud of you, son. You turned out to be a great parent. Just like me.
[Gru rolls his eyes]
Gru's Mom: Maybe fifty-fifty better.
[Gru smiles]
[as Gru tucks in the girls on their first night in his house]
Margo: Merely and then you know, you're never going to be my dad.
Gru: Hmm, I think I can live with that.
Miss Hattie: Now, get clean something of mine.
[Margo, Edith and Agnes trudge out, passing the Box of Shame]
Margo,Edith,Agnes: Hi, Penny.
Penny: [from inside] Hi, guys.
[the girls notice the archway to Gru's underground lair]
Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on!
Agnes: [to Margo] I don't recall he's a dentist.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323594/quotes/qt1418248
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